Territorial Pissings

My decision

2006-05-07T05:05:00.000+08:00

hey after deliberating for a while... i have decided to let you all know about my other blog address... so if you were lucky enough to come here you have the address!

i have come to a point where it really doesnt matter to me who reads what i write and you all know that thats a risk right...especially if one day you find me bitching about you or something heh... anyway its at your own risk anyway for you..especially if you know i will defintely be writing about you... so take the plunge if you arent afraid.

http://www.xanga.com/cryingstatue

yep... but dont worry... i will be updating this blog from time to time...

Letting you go....

2006-04-30T18:04:00.000+08:00

after much deliberation, i decided that its best for my conscience, that i let you go...but immediatly i felt damn sad, cos there was a connection between you and me. i contemplated stealing you, not returning it cos the TH band people dont seem to remember at all that i borrowed you... but i cannot, its against my principles... and so i have to return you back to its rightful owner.

The harmonist pedal was truly a fun pedal... i could tweak it to harmonise with my lead lines so i didnt need to deal with other guitar players... and could give me a much fuller sound.... very fun to play lead lines that had harmony. well in the end i had to let you go anyway....

True love at last....

2006-04-23T17:38:00.000+08:00

You know, after all this while, you have been sticking by me all along. you listened to me whenever i was down, cried with me when i was sad, laughed and roared when i was mad. and you never complained whenever i didnt feel like myslef or wanted to be alone.
We have the same interests, and it seems like we both cant get enough of pop songs, the more we get involved with a song the more i feel like you are a part of me now. you're different from the rest, yeah your skin tone maybe too light but i love you just the same, if only i could raise the bar and achieve a higher level of satisifaction with you. Yes! you deserve so much more... and at times i didnt pay attention to you or neglected you, but one failed opportunity after another you made me realise that no one understands me better than you do....
I LOVE YOU................................................................................................................................................

MY FENDER GUITAR>>>>>>>

WHY NOT CHEAT?

2006-04-19T22:15:00.000+08:00

Why is there such a thing called cheating in the education system? arent we educated enough to act civil and be ethical about this whole concept of learning? let me propose an answer to that:

BECAUSE IN THE END, ITS THE MARKS THAT MATTER, NOT THE PROCESS

yes in the eend, its your results that matter, not how much you learned. thats the real value of education. when given an opportunity to cheat, why not? sure, go against your principles, but then again who is going to bother about that? let me give you a scenario....

say you are taking a small test, in the lecture theatres of a prestigious college. the lecture seats are positioned such that you can look at the adjacent person's paper, front, side, heck even the back if you could! and halfway during the test, you get stumped at an mcq question, where for smart asses, it means a distinction or not, or for dumb asses like me, pass or fail to answer the question. the lecturer is not goong to bother, and everyone else is doing it anyway. ok, lets factor the "everyone else is doing it reason" out cos it wont help heh. anyway so you cheat and write down what the majority of people you can spy on seem to be writing. why do you cheat then? cos in the end, is anyone going to say "oh you cheated! lose one mark... " or "cheating is wrong, takes the value of education away!" FUCK no man... you are just going to receive one extra mark, at no cost, save for that nagging voice which you will supress in your head. cos why?

BECAUSE IN THE END, ITS THE MARKS THAT MATTER, NOT THE PROCESS

do you see my point? you might as well cheat and get that extra mark cos no one is going to credit you for not cheating! in the end if you dont cheat and be honest, you really are owning it to yourself... to fail cos of one mark you could have easily gotten. and if you fail, are you going to explain yourself? like "Oh sir you see i failed cos i didnt cheat!" no man... the lecturer will just say: "oh you failed thats all."

and that is why people cheat... because it is a race to get a higher mark at all costs. yep... thats one of the reasons why i hate being competitive or rather be stuck in a competitive society lah...

5am...

2006-04-15T05:38:00.000+08:00

hmm couldnt sleep... cos i fell asleep for an hour at 10 and well... not good to take a power nap i must say....
you know, i cant help but feel depressive whenever i write these entries..sometimes i feel i dramatise too much...and i tend to look too much at a half empty glass....to allmy friends sorry if i have too negative and all.
but nevertheless blogging continues on...

you know i cant help but feel really lonely... and its not a relationship thing anymore. when i really think about who are the friends i am really hanging out with nowadays.... i really cant think of any... that i can really enjoy their company and be really happy and comfortable with.
hmm in fact some friendships are even beginning to feel weird...like with my former band... i cant help but feel like i dont really want to hang out with them anymore. sometimes their incessant complaint about how they are outcasts but cant substantiate why can get on my nerves. i mean if its one thing university has taught me, its to back up what you say... dont just make a statement for the sake of it.
and then theres the CSS people... i know some of you do read my blog but hope yo udont mind me saying this... you know i told myself that enough was enough in my attempts to get to be in a group and fit in, but i cant help feel like i dont really belong anywhere now. i mean all of them are working together and getting closer cos of this and i guess thats one area i should have done, join some adhoc committee, cos it seems that those are the groups that forge close bonds. ironically the ministries arent... which i have devoted time to be in lah. of course it doesnt help that i dont hang out too much with the CSS people and that i am like totally not taking any course with anyone.
sometimes it really irritates me when people hang out in cliques and all...but i mean thats fine i think on a personal level but not fair when you bring it to for example the CSS corner where everything is supposed to all fine and all. you know when i was facilitating for FOC last year, i was really passionate about leting the year ones know what friendship was like in CSS... that you can always go back to them... but i doubt if i can do that this year though. i mean yeah i do joke with them and all but the conversations save for a few of them never go past that superficial level.... on one hand i have closed up to much, and yet on the other hand generally people have already formed their bonds...hmm maybe i'm just paranoid and i should be really hanging out more with people.
hmm i hope to catch up with all my other friends during the hols... hopefully this friendship crisis for me will be resolved soon.
argh... dreamt about reservist for the second time... its really sian lah.... i really hate army and i cant understand why so many people i know are lucky enough not to kena reservist... its like i suffered so much in my ns days...to kena reservist...and these people had a relatively ok life in army...to get off from reservist. where is the justice man... i get quite irritated when people complain about doing admin work only during their service.. HELLO? you try carrying 15kg of load on your back, walk 20km and charge up a hill in one night and you tell me which one is worse...
or worse still do both admin work and cheong up a hill... something i was doing for a whole year! so thats 11 days of holidays wasted... probably going to fail my fitness test and feel like a complete loser just like how i felt for 2 years...yeah thats right... thats how i felt...cos i was the worst one in the company and the trainers took no hesitation to make that known to me... everyday i felt like a complete loser... that i couldnt do anything right... i think eventually i just became like the dog in the learned selflessness theory...just sit there and take whatever shit the world can throw at me.
sometimes i dont know why i'm here... just a number perhaps? why is life so bad for me? why cant i feel good about myself for once? to feelhappy? why cant i feel confident about my future? about my studies?
yeah what a life...

The Fee hike issue

2006-02-17T08:57:00.000+08:00

Was reading Jon's post about this issue and someone else's blog. both of them had two opposing views which i think were very interesting to think about. haha maybe i'm just impressionable lah! i am really not the kind who is very smart in about these issues cos i cant really think that deep yeah so unlike a uni grad right... but i do have some views though...

1) i thought the black t-shirt campaign was a doomed one from the start. firstly the idea only was passed around last minute so not everyone had the time to think about which side to take. secondly it was unclear of what sides there were: like as that friend put, do we wear the t-shirt to support NUSSU in helping us or is it purely just to protest the hike..but even then under whose idea is it to protest the hike?

2)i think if anyone wants to do something..it has to be a blatant kind of protest... people will wear black no matter what..so that doesnt reflect anything. you want a change before this hike gets "accepted" in due time then you have to do something drastic to let people hear your voice. secondly as my first point says you have to have a central authority to coordinate and authenticate such a movement..otherwise..if not credibility or backing naturally people will be scared to participate..espeically Singaporeans.

3)then again... i also cannot understand the reasons for the fee hike lah..small amount yes but if its going to happen again and again eventually it wont be a small amount collectively lah. i ahve seen how NUS uses their funds lah... imagine they are having 100 events to celebrate the cenntenial..and i worked as a helper for one of the dinners celebrating sportsmenship... they rented the suntec ballroom... had alcoholic drinks.. paid each helper about 8 an hour for about 11 hours... thats a lot of pay lah... and i was like wah NUS has really a lot of money to spend man. i guess firstly my arguement is flawed cos i am just making a unsupported statement.. for all you know the money could have been enough to spend and i dont know how NUS is spending the funds so i am not qualified to make such a sweeping statement. but then again in the midst of the celebrations...how many NUS undergraduates are actually taking part in it? or does it just seem like the elite people aka the sportsmen, alumni, various societies are taking part in it? what do we get? a free mug? i also dont understand why we need to pay or rent equipment, or rooms in the school itself... shouldnt the groups that belong to NUs get a priviledge to have the rooms?
but then again i could just be making sweeping statements lah...but i guess the bottom line is: justify the fee hike! dont just say "rising operating costs"... cos then we are also qualified to make sweeping statements.

This could be the end of everything....

2006-02-03T01:24:00.000+08:00

hey i wonder if anyone is still reading my blog posts... seems like not much people anyway...
well if you have noticed, i have not been updating my blog regularly and all... well i hope this post can answer that question lah...

well when i first started off this blog... it was due to the fact that i wanted to immortalise my thoughts... so that it will be here forever lah... and that when i am older and i look back i can get nostalgic about the past and all.
also it was a chance for me to hhm whats the term... write all my inner thoughts and feelings... i felt that i was not open at all to my previous relationship and that i had made the mistake of being selfish and unpredictable. its not the first time it has happened though.. i felt that people didnt understnad me at all.. and well it pained me very much that i had caused so much hurt to someone i still love. i put the blame on myself yes, i put the blame entirely on myself being selfish and perverse.
i wanted people to know who i really was like... cos up till today... i am still trying to discover that... and failing miserably at it...but still things are starting to pick up and hopefully i do not fall down again.
i had commited the biggest mistake of my whole life... you do not know what is it like to lose someone so fundamental and precious to this phase of my life now... many have tried to show empathy...and so sorry for this: but i tell you... to me...what you have been through is nothing to what i have been torturing myself with over the past year. i wake up every morning wishing that the day passes by quickly... a moment spent thinking is pure hell for me.
it doesnt help much either that you have moved on lah to be honest... but i think you are happier now as with me so i think its for the better lah... the funny thing was...when we initially broke up i was not ready or rather i had made up my mind to forget everything... halfway during my second semester in NUS... it hit me hard... and i started to regret... so much that even meeting you by accident made me feel like crying...
when i made the decision to start a blog... blogspot was just something really accessible and all... plus i liked the way photos were shown clearly on blog posts and all... the only thing that i didnt really like about it was that i couldnt privatise my thoughts... and so all could read it...
well it didnt really bother me that much lah... cos hey i wanted people to know who the real me was. but slowly i had begun to start treasuring my privacy and a month ago i decided to well start a new blog somewhere... where only i could be privvy to my thoughts...
my recent months have been a time of... rebirth and reconditioning... i wanted to for once just take charge of my life and become sucessful again.. be it music or studies... and i made the decision to stay in hall because of this... giving me more time to think slowly about what to do and all.
to be honest... i still am not sure of who i really am... i feel like a newborn baby... starting to learn how to walk one step at a time...
months ago i helped to play P and W at a CSS retreat... and it was a revelation of sorts... for the first time i questioned GOd... i asked him why my life was so screwed up and why did he place me in such a life... and i began to start doubting my existence in his plan. people have been telling me that God has a plan in store for me...but i dare say that i have been waiting 5 years for something to happen. and recent family problems, the breakup and school results have only served to make me question him more....
and so... i have taken a step back... i longer pray at night... attend CG... until i find my answer and i am sure that theres a reason for my mortal life.
i have also made a decision on how i will take life... by the horns... i will ask and every moment i have to change my life i will not hesitate to take action... even on impulse...

well.... i will still be posting stuff from time to time lah... thoughts... photos... more of a social blog than anything else... but there will be an online diary for myself anyway... whether or not i will let people read it still remains to be seen... until then... well... we shall see what the future holds yeah?

Thank you...

Regards,

JUstin Low

"I wish you were here" -- Incubus

Why are you in a relationship?

2006-01-31T01:40:00.000+08:00

there is one question that bugs me from time to time... whats the point in a declaration of a relationship?
the nearest answer i can think of is that..well you wanna fend off potential rivals for the one you like...and "choup" your lover lah...
but what does this declaration entail? is it weird that once two people have decided to become a couple... their lives start to revolve around each other? they start hanging out more with each other... call each other... sms each other... go out on dates...
what if they were friends to begin with? if both wanted to continue lives the way it still is... does the operationalisation of being in a relationship still count... can yo ucall that a relationship if things still are the same?
what do you think of dating? where you ask anyone out...for fun or in the hopes that something will develop.... is that being in a relationship? cos that means you cant change your partner right?
sometimes i find it weird that you need to declare a relationship...some ladies want that kind of proclaimation...why? cant something progress further than friends silently? why this almost manical mechanical move to go all out to secure the partner?
i cant seem to define what makes a partner... maybe thats why i cant be in one? heh...
but guess what... once i solve this fundamental question... well... who knows?

The sucky start to the semester

2006-01-14T03:17:00.000+08:00

You know... i really dont like to blog about school life...think theres more to that then complaining about school and all... life isnt about school. but i really really have to write about this semester lah. hopefully i can in a few months/years just laugh this off.

its been pretty much a fucked up semester lah. well all semesters lah haha... ok so i have a really lousy cap where if i really work hard enough..just maybe i can squeeze in for 2nd lower honours...if not then just graduated next year. i have already come with the mindset that i am going to graduate in year 3 and that no matter how hard i study, i am not that good enough to score an A. so no point putting in too much effort. time to really work out my music career or an alternative one lah.well ok actually i came into the semester quite refreshed and ready to take on the work lah. But the CORS system has to really screw things up for me. ok for thosewho dont know whats CORS...its an online system where NUS students bid for their modules based on points allocated to them. yeah and the optimal number of modules to take per semester is 5...which i think is just crazy lah. if the government is asking why there are few marriages....just take a look at our tertiaries...no time to think about getting married..of course sex always have time for some reason.

ok.. was feeling energised...but now i like damn tired and getting headaches. why? cos i cant get my fifth module!!! i was outbidded for Film and Cultural Texts and a Psych module. so in the end i took a level 3000 lit module which i am really nervous about cos i have not done Lit in a while. which left me with one module left. appealsthat i wrote to the departments were returned with computer generated answers asking me to wait for CORs to end, which is in the second week of school. whichmeans i would be behind already. yeah so the whole first week of school i spent bidding for my fifth module and kena rejected.

till today of course... HEALTH PSYCHOLOGY... it suddenly was available for bidding with one vacancy. and hey its the fifth day of the first week... i was desperatefor a fifth module so i bidded for it. lost 893 points... i mean come on... if you were in my situation and no other modules were available and the second week of schoolwas just three days away...you would have probably done the same thing. so i did... without thinking about the lecturer wise...
i checked my mail this evening and was damn happy when i secured the module. only to be like damn shocked and scared...cos the lecturer was my Stats 1 lectuer!!! ah!!!!! if you all dont know... stats 1 last semester was a nightmare for me... the lecturer was sadistic and sarcastic... he would not entertain questions about stats andif he deemed the question that you posted on the forum as "stupid" he would reply with a spastic and sarcastic answer. and the way he conducted labs were damn...the words fail me lah. if you dont believe me...check my previous blog entry... be amazed and understand why i cannot stand teachers. worse still for this module i had to do a psychology research paper! i am already doing stats 2...grr... think i am going to hate stats... and he wants us to use two textbooks somemore.. shit man...

bad lecturer+one report+ midterms+final+SPSS= one hell of a time and heavy work

i think the worst part of all this is that... i didnt do much of what i set out to do! wanted to study and practice guitar and all..instead i spent the whole week worrying about the whole CORS thing...did minimal fun stuff... shit man... even at mass today i was too...frustrated to focus... oh well i really hope things turn out better

2006-01-07T23:19:00.000+08:00

Songs do bring back old memories
decided to just relisten to Incubus's morning view...i like this album a lot..its very experimental...with really really diverse genres lah...
listening to the songs again really brings back some old memories... how we rehearsed for songs like "Wish you were here" , "warning".... especially "wish you were here".... this ones is particularly...well... lots of memories lah... both sad and happy ones...
seems like i cant really move on...
moving into hall today was good... i hope once my damn modules are settled i can start a new phase in life....

Wish You Were Here
I dig my toes into the sand
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind
Pretend that I am weightless
And in this moment I am happy...happy
I wish you were here
I lay my head into the sand
The sky resembles a backlit canopy with holes punched in it
I'm counting UFO's
I signal them with my lighter
And in this moment I am happy...happy
I wish you were here
The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in
Maybe I should hold with care but my hands are busy in the air

the year 2005 part2

2005-12-31T15:07:00.000+08:00

This year i made up my mind to continue serving in MM as well. i joined the comm and became the head. i have 9 wonderful commitee members who have made time in MM super enjoyable and God has blessed the community with wonderful people. looking back there was never a moment where i grumbled... under the new comm.
but the biggest disappointment for me was that after all this while, i still cannot let go. for some funny reason when the break happened for a few months i was ok with it, then all of a sudden in the last semester i started to regret wha ti have done and since then i have been living with thoughts of how i screwed up my life thus far. theres really nothing i can do now anyway, and for me, i think moving on is really important. i guess my inactivity has made me think a lot and well i need to do something to occupy my mind. i think the only way for me to start to be happy again is to just change my life, how i am living it now. i want to perform, jam more, have a group of friends to go out with.
so heres another resolution: to change my lifestyle for the better
i have decided that i have to start a band soon, work towards performing at a pub... and well... i think i have to start meeting up less with the CSS peeps... i'm sorry, it could just be me that is the problem but i think to do the other activites i need more time...
so yeah thats it...the year of 2005..think if there is more will blog later...till then...

THe year 2005 part 1

2005-12-31T14:33:00.000+08:00

reading other people's blogs have made me want to write about the year gone by as well!

The year 2005 has been a period of change for me. looking back at the entries, it really started off on a cheerful note and now it has ended on a sad one.

this year was the year i disbanded Always Marcia. my friends and i were really banking on our band to really do something for our lives. many months spent over prata, always attempting to make a demo which always fails. for nicholas and me, our preference in music had changed and the music we were making together was not doing any good for us. so we had already made up our minds to quit the band. things were already not going very well then, just weeks before i had to ask Ivan to not drum for us anymore which was one of the worse things i ever had to do. it changed the dynamics of the group in doing that. i'm fine with ivan, but i doubt he will ever be with the other two though. im my mind since then, Always Marcia didnt exist anymore. we were not moving at all, so i decided that enough was enough and we had our last gig at the Expo. fittingly though, only a handful of people were there to watch the last gig.

not being able to have a chance to have something to work for had a repercussion though. its not that we are not friends anymore, i still treat everyone of them as a close brother but we soon had to move on and well everyone else seemed to start another phase in life. but that kind of made me "group-friendless". i soon found that weekends became a stay home affair for me.
which didnt really make my time in this year good cos well to be honest, i dont think i have any good friends at all, other than Always marcia. i know when i have good friends and to be brutally honest, the CSS people are not fitting that bill at all.
you know, two years have passed and i still find that in the end, i have not made a group of friends in NUS that i am totally comfortable with. sometimes i find that i dont even fit in at all. many times have i found out too late that others had gone out for some dinner and movie. the last straw was when i found out that they celebrated Gabriel's birthday and they didnt even tell me about it. i dont blame Greg who was suposed to inform us cos we had pther plans but i guess i was just hurt that no one even bothered to mention any bit of it.
yeah to me CSS has become nothing more than a society, one where i am here only to serve God. anyone else has become an aquaintance. i think i am one of those people doomed to become just a mere face in the crowd.
so here is my first resolution: to make good friends
and i am so sorry CSS people, but i thin khte good friends will not come from you all.
this year was also a year where for the first time, i really started to ask what do i really want to do with music. performing at the christmas bash the year before made me think that really in the end i just want to be happy performing songs and make people like that songs that i am singing... and not force people to sit through some song which they are not interested in. i went busking with Julian and it was an experience i will never forget, easy money, good company. i really want to play in a pub setting now... i think thats the only way to go. local music may be picking up but from what i predict it will never reach popularity. i have given up all hopes on local music.
during the examination period i had the chance to stay in Temasek hall and i really regret not staying since semester one cos it is really what i need at this point in time now. a chance to be independent with no one breathing down my neck. i cant wait for the new semester, will join a hall band and jam the semester away.
my results sucked for both semester... i think thats it lah i cannot do honours already and well cos my major is psychology, without honours my career along this line is doomed. i really have no enthusiasm in studying anymore. just want to get it over and done with. will have to really think and explore my options next semester.

2005-12-28T14:36:00.001+08:00

with the band at the celebration

2005-12-28T14:36:00.000+08:00

classic photo haha

2005-12-28T14:35:00.001+08:00

singers...

2005-12-28T14:35:00.000+08:00

the band

2005-12-28T14:34:00.001+08:00

the mm people2

2005-12-28T14:34:00.000+08:00

the MM people...

Numb just so numb

2005-12-28T14:10:00.000+08:00

i'm numb i'm numb
cant feel anything, happy, sad, just numb
for the start of the new year, whats the first thing i should be correcting?

past few days and next few days will be spent at gatherings and such, not too bad...

this hols has been a.. rather interesting one... lots of new scandals haha....

been practicing guitar... must say that its really fun to just sit down for hours playing guitar... cant wait to jam though... but quite spoilt for choice over people to jam with
theres Jason Cruz, wonderful and groovy drummer... can imagine playing eric clapton, sting, cream, police, chris issak with him
there's brandon, can imagine jamming to john mayer and foo fighters with him...
theres the band with Ajie, can imagine jammingtop40s rock and christian stuff...

but not my dream lineup yet...and where are all the bassists and keyboardists??? ahem... calling for some....

Yet another sian Christmas

2005-12-24T03:07:00.000+08:00

its going to be yet another christmas where nothing exciting happens.... sorry to those who have plans...err i dont mean it to be that sian..i just feel like i can never really fully enjoy Christmas... sigh...cant take it anymore man... after sucky results and the revelation of how i fit in to the group and all...

i must change my life... its the only way to go

Spiraling down....

2005-12-18T00:27:00.000+08:00

these few days have been bad...
well it started off at the retreat. i went to help out, playing guitar for PandW... i was actually looking forward to it... but instead... i think i focused too much on the technical aspects..and when there were minor mistakes... i just lost focus... and soon my eagerness to experience God soured. even during benediction... i could not focus... and in my frustration i asked Him... "why, why arent you there for me? to help my father with his financial difficulties, his diabetes... the personal and emotional struggles i cannot cope with now..."
the P and W went well though...and i am glad that a lot of people were touched... i just hope that i can pull myself out of this... otherwise i think i will go mad....

The butterfly effect???

2005-12-11T02:00:00.000+08:00

this week...was a good one...particularly fri and sat...
well the trivaristy mass was pretty disappointing...in terms of the turn out, at the end of it all... hmm well cant force people to go lah but still bad turnout...
had the arts BBQ after that and well i thought it was cosy... small group but still it was a nice gathering... after that talking till late was... good...
but of course being university catholic students we could not avoid talking about non-shallow issues.... and well... to me i think that is scarier than discussing some ghost story... cos...imagine you live your life beliving in a certain belief...and someone comes along and challenges that perspective...and it works... you are left doubting all that you believed in all this while... i think thats scary...

one interesting topic that was brought up was about the butterfly effect movie..and we started talking about time travel and all...and how going back in time to change the past would greatly affect the present...
what would i do if i had that ability?
i will go back to the past to stop myself from calling KY... and prevent myself from hurting LL, things would be very much different you know...
1)i might not be involved in CSS, MM, or even serving in the comm..
2)i would not have met the friends i have now... err ok that leaves definition...
3)i might still be involved with the local music scene *shudders*
4)i might not be that a good guitar player...

but you know what...
i would trade everything to put things right...
maybe that is why everyone is telling me that i look tired... or that i immerse myself in so many things to do... anything to forget and move on...
but i have not, its frustrating that only after a year it hits me hard, frustrating that i cannot move on, that i carry on torturing myself and people...
after all this time... i still have not moved on...
i want to move on, or take it all back...
but i am too weak...
someone help me please,
God help me...

DEc holidays so far

2005-12-09T00:25:00.000+08:00

yeah, so if you remembered my post a while back about my busy schedule for the holidays... well i was not joking lah...
this week alone the past mon and wed we had caroling from like 10 to 3! crazy man... somemore... i not a big fan of a capella singing, especially when it involves non english words like "ba-doom"!!!
but i guess its fun lah... this week was also spent preparing them for the 18th... it was a bit crazy, rushing like 5 new songs, some with four part harmony... within a week..thats crazy...
hmm but its been fun.. really... i envision that if i ever pursue a music career this is what i really want to do man...

although one thing that really puzzles or sometimes irritates me, people are too reliant on scores already lah... i mean i think its good to have scores, but once you got the part got to stop depending on it..cos it really does not do much to help lah... a lot of people i know dont have the skill to listen properly and thus become too score dependent, take it away and they cant do much...

on another note... hmm not refering to MM... but it seems... i get the feeling that i am very busy...too busy to be called out for some social thing... seems like after all thats been done, it doesnt really matter huh... i guess its a clear signal though... i guess when work and pleasure dont mix, its time to try somewhere else...

Looking like a small boy

2005-11-27T14:30:00.000+08:00

Confidence, security, resource. the three things most ladies look for in a guy....
of which i think i lack sorely in,
yeah yeah sounds like a despo post...but well we all have the id principle so yeah unless you are trying to say you are not human well too bad lah
a friend i was conversing over msn was saying that i look like a small boy= cute in a baby sense..
well i was not affected that badly lah cos i mean my whole life people have problems when i tell them i am older than i look and all.
being small sized and short is quite a pain man, people dont take u seriously, err ok i admit i am guilty of that lah, but i guess neither do i give people a sense of security either.
heh the funny thing is that she mentioned that i think only "cute" girls would fit my bill.. but err i really dont like act cute girls they quite disgust me lah. well except for this girl i know in church though...
okok looks isnt the thing lah, its how i can communicate with the person. i think i would rather choose someone who somehow speaks on the same level as i do otherwise how can i relate to the person and vice versa? whether you like music or not it really doesnt matter lah, i have friends who do not have the same taste in music as i do yet i get along with them fine...
sometimes i wonder though...is it all just because i am trying to replace? i set a standard for "partners" based on this? truth is yeah, there isnt anyone that i can sustain my interest with like before... maybe its a matter of moving on?
maybe i should just jam more lah hah

Sunday....

2005-11-27T14:13:00.000+08:00

here i am again, in Temasek Hall... spending a wonderful sunday studying for my last paper which is Sociology of Popular culture... like Greg mentioned, i guess next semester i need to be careful that the modules i take do not have exams on mon haha...better still no exams at all...
well this might be my last sunday or the next sunday anyway.. cos i have to move out by the 5th of Dec... not really looking forward to it though...its a weird feeling
on one hand i do miss home, sleeping on my own bed and all... but yet at the same time i really like staying in school alamak, such a dual feeling...
but really, staying in hall even for such a short period has been an experienc lah.. well yeah i had that in army but ok thats another story... but theres the independence factor... wow i really like living by myself... of course once in a while the whole "i want to be attached" thingie comes in but well heck...
one thing i am really thankful for: the opportunity to spend some time with friends in school, i guess i had fun hanging out with the CSS people staying in school, having dinners, attending mass together and just chatting... chatting about err social constructs, playing computer games, and planning the holidays away! i foresee that things will be different once the Dec activities come in though...
man i really want to stay in hall next semester man.. but the thing is financial problems... I HATE IT! i really do... why must the financial crisis hit my family so hard? my daddy has been out of a job for the past five years.. recently hes started a business that really isnt picking up, he is just breaking even... everyday we worry about not being to sell the house, cant really afford to go out everyday and all...
i really envy well to do people, they never seem to worry about the price of anything... they get cars for their 21st birthdays... some people in hall have their own cars which is really an extravagance... eating anywhere is not a problem for them... me? i worry constantly about how to pay my next handphone bill, where to eat and how to go out and all. bringing a date out is err out of the question.
yeah i worry about how i am going to afford to pay for hall next semester... i really dont want to ask money from parents.. my daddy says that is alright but i have doubts lah, i think he has problems...
yet i see staying in hall as a way of realising my potential, not only in studies, but in my music, to exercise and all lah... taking a bus and sitting in it for one and a half hours is no joke man...
do i have to sacrifice then? how can i be happy then?

Why stats has been a nightmare

2005-11-24T12:17:00.000+08:00

Dear Justin,
I am in ICT and won't be back until your PL2131 exam and so I won't be able to meet you in person. If your questions require short answers then you can email them to me. If not, you can email them to Mr Chan or to the IVLE forum. And no, I don't provide model answers to past year questions and neither will I be a private tutor to students who desire to have them.

Regards,
YP
-----Original Message----- From: Low Justin Joseph Sent: Tue 11/22/2005 1:37 PM To: Why Yong Peng Cc: Subject: appointment
Dear Dr. Why,

is it still possible to make an appointment with you this wed the 23rd of Nov?
if so may i consult you on a question in the past semester paper?

thanks
Justin
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

just an innocent query... yep i will heck care the 'consultation' and do my examination.
you should take a look at the forum page... innocent questions though may not be bright are shot down.

The story of my life in music part 2

2005-11-24T10:40:00.000+08:00

well ok so i have been lazy and have not followed up but think i shall just continue...
so if you read my post way back...i ended up writing about clarence who left band cos he was neglected... that was in sec 1 to about sec2 lah...
i was a very quiet band member... but being in a section where your seniors made a lot of noise.. acted really gay and were good players, well lets say even i would get some attention from the seniors.
in the end my skills improved in sec 1, my seniors were really impressed that i could really play well and all... i remember we were attempting this band arrangement of "heal the world" and there was this really tough passage where a lot of notes were played and i could play it. i was playing first horn, ok you see each section is split into parts, just like the SATB arrangemnet in choir. and first horn played the highest part etc... to get the first horn part would mean you are a good player, and well some songs you get to play a solo here and there lah.
we were preparing for our iinvestiture, where the new committee would be invested and the sec 1s would play their first concert lah.
pretty much excited about it, and a fucked up thing happened. the seniors would support us in this concert by playing.. usually there would be four horn players but there was only clarence and me so my other two seniors backed us up. originally, Eddie wanted me to play first horn, i tell you, Eddie was really the senior to have man.. he was well...gay but super entertaining and a really fair senior, does not throw his weight around to bully the juniors.
but a fucked up thing happened lah, Ziyi, my other senior was going to play the lower horn part and he snatched my part away from me just before the song started! yeah dont believe it right?? so i ended up playing the lower horn part with clarence and i was like damn angry... but because i was a stupid fella, i didnt have the guts to confront him. this whole hierachy thing.. if it were to happen to me now... Ziyi would be in a whole world of hell man. Ziyi was the kind of senior who loved the power, bossed everyone. it didnt help that he was a prefect lah too. well you know he was also gay
i ahve never told anyone this before but i was "molested" by him one night in band camp. i was sleeping in the classroom and he came up to me and told me not to move. i know he touched me in some way lah but i cant really remember if he touched my dick or not so yeah... and being the stupid person i was of course i didnt do anything. stupid stupid. my friend also related a story to me where he was in the same room with Ziyi and he locked the room and chased him around... he didnt get caught so lcuky for my friend lah.
well and Ziyi was a lousy horn player anyway.

My stupid mouth...

2005-11-24T10:31:00.000+08:00

ok this post has nothing to do with the title lah, just woke and up and damn lazy, feel like staying in my room for the whole day again...
yup thats right, i spent the whole day in my room yesterday, went out for a while to eat lunch with Ivan, was supposed to head over to the library to study lah but really sick of that place. i mean i can study in my room, not sure why people who stay in hall pay to study in the library.. hmm..
was good though, studied at my own pace and played guitar of course... learning "my stupid mouth" my john mayer now, its a really nice song!
wow cant wait for exams to be over man.. it will be a month filled with jamming with everyone and well it will be fun lah... though well i rather be doing something else.. like busking or playing in a pub etc.... see how lah

Nostalgia....

2005-11-22T13:04:00.000+08:00

its funny... i was so frustrated over the whole MM concert this year... yeah i enjoyed the songs and all though i felt the singing could have been much better and all..plus my whole "what is this all for" thought lah... i think i was super mean to everyone around... a bit guilty...

just heard songs like "all things new", "the change inside of me", and "a world away"... i really like these songs...maybe i getting hooked to contemporary christian stuff? haha...

well it was fun really..practicing those songs... wonder if theres a chance to play them again... hmm....

Beautiful weather....

2005-11-20T14:30:00.000+08:00

its 230pm in the afternoon on a lazy sunday... instead of the usual hot weather, it rained for a while and well the weather is just cool....a light breeze plays across the trees and your face... the kind of weather you just want to either take a slow walk in the park or just to feel the warmth of someone you love with....

but then again i have an exam on mon and yeah i dont have anyone to cuddle up beside to, such is life

i read the news today.... oh boy.... some famous local pianist got fined for choosing to study in a prestigious music college and becoming an esablished pianist instead ofchoosing to serve NS and life in Singapore, of course the fine is just $5000, not a small sum for us "locals" but surely not for this guy and we have sore people saying that he should have been dealt with a heavier punishment...
i say.... such is life....

hmm i feel like putting a post about what to do before i die and what to say.... dont get the wrong message....i have no intention of ending my life but i might just lose it in an accident lah...and theres so many things i want to say....
so let me know ok if you are not ok with such a post... especially if it affects you... by next week or someting?

(you should see my holiday schedule)

2005-11-16T16:12:00.000+08:00

wake up
breakfast
bathe
library
hall dinner
library
sleep

yep, pretty much describes the week so far....

on another note...looking for jobs this Dec...so let me know ok?

on another note...looking for places to carol at so let me know also

on another note...i really like this song...

Bigger than my body, John Mayer

This is a call to the colorblind

This is an IOU

I'm stranded behind a horizon line

Tied up in something true

Yes I'm grounded

Got my wings clipped

I'm surrounded by all this pavement

Guess I'll circle

While I'm waiting for my fuse to dry

Chorus:Someday I'll fly

Someday I'll soar

Someday I'll be so damn much more

Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for

Why is it not the time?

What is there more to learn?

.. yeahI shed this skin

I've been tripping in

Never to quite return

Yes I'm grounded

Got my wings clipped

I'm surrounded by all this pavement

Guess I'll circle

While I'm waiting for my fuse to dry

Chorus

Cause I'm bigger than my body now

Maybe I'll tangle in the power lines

And it might be over in a second's time

But I'll gladly go down in a flame

If a flame's what it takes to remember my name

To remember my name, yeah

Yes I'm grounded

Got my wings clipped

I'm surrounded by all this pavement

Guess I'll circle

While I'm waiting for my fuse to dry

Waiting for my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly

Someday I'll soar

Someday I'll be so damn much more

Cause I'm bigger than my body

I'm bigger than my body

I'm bigger than my body now

Nothing to do so just blogging

2005-11-12T01:27:00.000+08:00

Exam period is here! well dont know why since JC i have been feeling more and more sian about taking the exams... i remember in sec school i was a kiasu kid and getting grades was all there is to life...now i'm just numb to the whole exams thing... not necessarily a bad thing though...
i guess i'm not cut out to be an "academic" lah... i dont see the whole point in getting fantastic grades..just getting a good life is good enough and i just dont want to have to catch up with what liife has to offer only after i graduate and all... dont want the RSA to socialise me lah...heh...soci...
how about you my fellow blog reader? do you feel the same?

Bad week,...

2005-11-09T00:31:00.000+08:00

well...never eat sirloin steak and mc chicken... sure fire way of getting diarrhoea... so i spent sunday night and monday with very bad stomachache... didnt eat the whole of mon..yuck...cant wait to start drinking bundung again haha... oh well... but it was terrible...wished i was at home though... get to eat mommy's porridge and all.. oh well...

was checking out chords for "you belong to me"...and surprise its a cover! the original was by bob Dylan... now i think i can like the song even though i have not heard the original yet... here are the lyrics anyway... going to learn it soon...

See The Pyramids Along the Nile

Watch the sun rise On a tropic isle

Just remember darling

All the while

You belong to me...

See the market place

In old Algiers

Send me photographs And souvenirs

Just remember

'Til your dream appears

You belong to me....

I'll be so alone

Without you

Maybe You'll be lonesome, too

Maybe You'll be lonesome too

And blue

Fly the ocean In a silver plane

See the jungle

When its wet with rains

Just remember

Till you're home again

Or until I come home to you

You belong to me...

Happiness=satisfaction?

2005-11-04T01:53:00.000+08:00

staying in hall is very very... liberating...i decide what i want to do, when to eat, when to bathe...
a bug lfew in my room... a huge green insect that has caused me to now shiver every time i hear something that sounds like a bug...

seriously i dont know what i am doing in school man..i can study and all... but for the greater purpose of it all i dont know....
i feel unhappy most of the time, i feel that life isnt giving me what i feel i should be getting... selfish thinking yes i know, but is it selfish? i just to want to play music and all... is that too much to ask for?

something is wrong with my faith now, i mean ever since i came to NUS CSS...i have encountered people who really think deep about the faith... and that has only led me to question my own faith...i know so little and i still want to believe that its enough... is it? i doubt so... there is so much for me to know and everything i am learning just leads to more questions... seems to be no end to it... at least to satisfy what i want to know... every stone i unturn only leads to more people questioning the knowledge i have aquired... man...
i am one unhappy person

Am i selfish?

2005-10-31T08:02:00.000+08:00

hmm its raining now... cool weather...
was thinking about this decision to stay in hall...
you know, my family has financial difficulties... and i think paying for the next semester will be a bit of a strain wont it?
somehow i feel a bit selfish and guilty that i want to stay in hall... its not really a need now... just something very convenient...
yet i think staying over the weekend was really something i was looking forward to for a while... time to study and still have time to do other things...
how?

HAll Staying

2005-10-29T14:24:00.000+08:00

finally, i am exepriencing hall life....
i was lucky that i got a room at Temasek Hall cos apparently all the male rooms have no more vacancies... so sharing with Ivan till end of this semester then will be staying on for the next...
well hope its something different...something i need right now i guess... more time to study, to do the things i want to do without any interupptions....
guess this is the closest to SEP i can get huh? haha....
but i feel guilty that my dad agreed to pay... cos we are in a financial situation and all... so..guess will just have to see how much i can raise for myself during the hols in dec...calculated.. need to get at least $900.... heh...
well considering i just spent $180 to buy two more pedals... my tremelo and chorus ensemble... ok lah... should raise... busking anyone?

Apathetic aftermath?

2005-10-26T00:28:00.000+08:00

today i attended "theology of the body" a talk organised by LOM...it was a really good talk...i think it addressed many issues relevant to society today and really its a pity that not many people attended it... cos it would have benefited!
most importantly... i somehow came to realise or kena enlightened by todays talk...
"the drive to search for lust only leads to loneliness" and i think maybe thats why i'm feeling so lost and empty? i asked speakerthen how to counter this and he said "just pray that the spirit will change you"... to be honest, i think i know what i need to do... its just firstly whether i choose to change and secondly whether i can do it or not... hmm...
on another note... i think attending the talk today was a good thing... in the world today so many of us ask so many questions regarding our faith..questioning or even doubting it... i think i have the trust but now i guess i really want to be knowledgeable about my faith lah... i want to know more and i dont want everything to boil down to relativisim cos that will lead to the path of sin!
it also irritates me when people question and doubt and they dont take the effort to find out the truth... i mean you wanna use your "free will" and adulthood to question, at least find out the church stand lah...if you think its not credible then i think you have a reason to question...dont question for the sake of hiding the fact that you just want to run away from the faith one way or another...

LOST and then some

2005-10-24T23:29:00.000+08:00

its been a while since i last blogged and yeah well i really dont have much to say...
till today..and its pretty ironic cos i feel..really lost and apathetic and yet i can write about how i am feeling hmm...
i feel really lost... aimless...no purpose in life...
like i'm sure some of you will say "why not put God in your life then?" i try! i really do... but its not working?
i just feel so so unfufiled... studying is one reason lah but on the other hand i accept itas part of what i have to do...
i mean my whole life does not revolve around school
and yet i feel so let down.. ok i'm sorry you might not understand how i am feeling
but i know that i'm definintely not thinking too much and its becoming an issue for me here!
i find that also i'm damn numb... numb and not receptive at all to how i am feeling...and i think cos i keep worrying about how others feel...that i kind of lost that ability to knowwhat i want for myself!
and this experience is so new to me i really am not sure how to dispel my thinking... hmm music helps...but then again i have other things to do that i cant find myself
i think the answer is music..but how? i really am lost in all sense of the word... everyday i go to school and i feel like an alien, a total stranger to everyone...even to the CSS people
i am not connecting with anyone at all... i feel like i have no close friends at all in my life now
to me life has become a routine... wake up, school, home, sleep... somewhere along these lines
and i ahv nothing to work for, nothing to be passionate about... nothing excites me much... and i have not found people who i want to be in a band with, not found friends who i really want to be around with... i need someone or something to bring me back... i feel like a robot... theres no personal touch
for me in anything at all... how?

UPdate my life thats down

2005-10-09T22:42:00.000+08:00

well, its been a while since my last post guess i should update this yeah...

well nothing much has been happening actually...the week goes by , i get my work done, mass on fri blah blah... spend my weekend studying at home or in school...
sad life i tell you... :(
i'm really beginning to enjoy my MM sessions a lot.. people are really warm and friendly and things are getting along very well... i always look forward to mon evenings, at least something i enjoy lah haha.
had exco meeting yesterday and i must admit that i'm nopt used to high up planning cos i guess what i have always been doing is on the ground stuff lah...
going to be super busy this hols man... tm and mm project, mm caroling, retreat, combined mass... well one thing is for sure...after this year no more man time to concentrate on studies and my music and all...
and i really need to find a way to perform and do something with music... too long already...no good....

Tiring....

2005-09-29T13:21:00.000+08:00

why do i feel so tired da....
my eyes seems to be straining all the time and i feel tired after a while....
and i get tired easily...
cant seem to concentrate at all in school...only when i am at home then can...
doesnt help that theres no one around too... bleh...

life rating : 30/100

WESTERN FOOD

2005-09-27T21:30:00.000+08:00

i love the chicken cutlet at YIH... its cheap and its different from other cutlets...its breaded and the meat is really tender so yo udont have a hard time chewing the meat...and its tasty...
try it i recommend it!

rating: ****

yeah i have decided to make this blog a rating review blog heheheh

Can i be candid?

2005-09-27T13:56:00.000+08:00

My heart skips a beat,

I seem to stop moving

not if i make a silent retreat

my thoughts become thought

preoccupation becomes a must

how i wish it were naught!

i wallow everyday

dying, and melancholic

if i could keep at bay

all because you are here

The day so far...

2005-09-26T16:24:00.000+08:00

SOCI POP CULTURE LECTURE:

Lecturer(talking about condoms in India):

'so it was actually the Koreans who managed to penetrate the market..."

yep funny part of the lecture cos he didnt realise he said that...but no one got it! just a few people did... aiyah...the level of humour ah...

anyway..a funny thing happened last night..ok not a funny thing...more like something which just happened... i was feeling kind of lonely and unfufilled cos of my perceived standard playing and all... and i just happened to listen to bon JOvi's "i'll be there for you"..i think its such a nice song...heh fitting of the 80's though... and fitting of how i feel right now lah if you look at the lyrics, yeah but the song just made me want to take my electric and start jamming along...so in the end i went through the whole "crossroads" album and jammed along... at 1 am somehow it made me feel better and all... well it brought back memories of jamming "you give love a bad name" with Always Marcia.. i remember struggling to hit the high notes haha...
a song struck me though...ok actually i reall dont like linking secular songs with religious thinking but this is kind of intertwine with life lah...taken from "Living on a prayer":

"Woah, we're halfway there...

Woah living on a prayer...

take my hand and we'll make it i swear...

woah living on a prayer"

yeah i guess the song speaks a lot...cos in the midst of our stressful lives where everything becomes mechanical and depersonalised, all we need to hold on is just to live for something... can be a prayer to God...or someone you love or some philosophy to hold to... i think i must bear this in mind whenever i feel lonely or down again... or just jam to Bon jovi heh... kidding

Break the cycle

2005-09-25T23:31:00.000+08:00

help me somebody.... i need to get out of this life that i am dealing with right now...its so mundane that it seems very very much like a routine...
the weekend...was just like any other weekend... i stayed at home... did some studying... now am current with my readings but have not yet started on my essay, projects... yep...
of course, i practiced gutiar too... hmm i have been playing for about almost 5 yrs now and like i am nowhere as good as i want to be! i dont seem to be improving at all! no matter how much i practice..i surely have the discipline to just repeat a phrase over and over again..but i just cannot get it... maybe i'm not as good a guitar player as i want to be? i mean i really dont believe in the "musicians are born" thinking but as of late i cant help but think it might be true
and i'mnot putting it into good use too... i dont believe in the local scene anymore... so that doesnt really leave me much to work with eh? i cant seem to find people that want to do what i want to do also lah... quite frustrating trying to look and i cant find the right people... and i really dont want music to end up being a past time...

yup, i feel that life is just wasting away for me...ok i mean apart from school...but its what i want to do that matters right? and i just dont feel like i am doing any of that right now lah...
then whats the point of living right? i really am quite bored to the max...

SO.....

2005-09-21T13:49:00.000+08:00

Can you blame me for not putting up regular posts?
seriously nothing fun or happening is err happening in my life lah, but i guess i should be thankful its not THAT happening...
well anyway i already told myself that if i should rejoin the MM comm, i would have no social life... cos i wanna balance school work, MM and my guitar...
oh well...
been quite "lonely" these past few days other than the BGR factor lah, i think i'm group friendless already, as it is i think i have lost my band friends grp and yeah i dont really have a group of friends on school just here and there one or two

had P and W workshop on MOn.... it was really good, i think it in some way pushed me forward to start thinking about how wonderful it is to be on that level... hope it catches on in MM...
--- CSS TODAY, THE WORLD TOMORROW--

Had a bad day again

2005-09-15T16:30:00.000+08:00

a bad week actually, well, i really dread even weeks... somehow all things will fall into the even week as seen by the last round and i end up super tired.

MOn... commissioning mass followed by exco meeting went home at 1130...
tues.. taught Ryan came back by 1030, ok so i decided to stay at Bejy's hostel will wed..
wed... P and W practice for the workshop on mon, practiced for mass before that... finished at 1030...
today i had a EL test... hate tutorials... talk about nonsense...

so so tired...

cockroaches

2005-09-10T23:29:00.000+08:00

i hate insects, i really do... they are small but seeing one freaks me out... funny cos in army when we were outfield and just taking a breather... the sensation of something crawling across my back or err somewhere isnt that scary cos just damn tired lah haha...

but for the past year i have been killing cockroaches almost once every month in my bathroom... grr makes me think twice of shitting there in the middle of the night, whcih is weird cos it cant be that my house is dirty cos well my mother is one OCD person when it comes to cleanliness...

rain rain , come again
wash away some cockroaches

True

2005-09-10T10:10:00.000+08:00

heres another song i heard recently while staying over with Benjy, hmm i dont know why i like these kind of songs... at first i thought they were cheesy, now i dont know... oh well... could be cause only now is it hitting me hard...

TRUE by Ryan Cabrera

I wont talk

I wont breathe

I wont move till you finally see

That you belong with me

You might think I dont look

But deep inside

In the corner of my mind

Im attached to you

Im weak

Its true

Cuz im afraid to know the answer

Do you want me too?

Cuz my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life

To cross this line

To the only thing thats true

So I will not hide

Its time to try

Anything to be with you

All my life I've waited

This is true

You dont know what you do

Everytime you walk into the room

Im afraid to move

Im weak

Its true

Im just scared to know the ending

Do you see me too?

Do you even know u met me?

I've waited all my life to cross this line

To the only thing thats true

So I will not hide

Its time to try anything to be with you

All my life I've waited

This is true

I know when I go ill be on my way to you

The way thats true

I've waited all my life to cross this line

To the only thing thats true

So I will not hide

Its time to try anything to be with you

All my life I've waited

This is true

Life...oh my life...

2005-09-08T20:23:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a... hmm both a good and bad day...

stayed at home till about 2 cos wed are my free days and yeah went to teach Ryan, my student guitar... heh i found out that he actually enjoys the lesson from his mother! heh he is even asking for extra lessons! i feel quite proud that i could sustain his interest cos well...his attention span is really short and well he is 13, so yeah... must be cos the last time i fell in front of him...
oh well... so i taught him fora bout an hour and a half... and another surprise! his top floor..(double storey) penthouse...is a mini bar! with a pool table...and the really slick kind... so yeah played a game of pool with him haha..really cool....

after that took a bus down to meet benjy and greg for dinner in school, i had planned to stay over at PGP which is benjy's place... i must say i regret not accepting the offer to stay this sem... must definitely try next sem..but no finances...
which brings me to two points...

i must admit, i think i am materialistic, i really envy rich people, i really do... they have so much less to worry about and yet can have so much more... a car? no problem! stay in school? no problem! provide "security" to have girlfriends? no problem! me? i need to struggle to earn money to just go out and watch a movie... i cant learn driving cos well i cant afford it and people are amazed at why i dont just ask my parents for money..cos well they wont understand lah. i personally dont wish to burden my Dad with anymore money issues, as it is i owe him too much for my laptop and school fees. money wasnt a problem before but due to the stupid financial crises which happened a long time ago we have problems with money now. cant sell the house cos the price offered for it is too low lah.

CSS... is currently having money problems as well... looks like a year of more fund raisings... personally i cannot understand why the Catholic Church just wont give us more money to tide over... look at the Christian denominations... they always have enough money to organise big events without organising fund raisings... that is why they can affordto do much more activities!
i think for us... we spend like 60 -70% of the time raising funds... in the end 40% is left to concentrate on the event... kinda stupid... the music ministry...just take a look at what we have..one acoustic, a puny amp... lousy keyboard..and some percussion... all these to provide for the whole NUS community... bleah... i know money aint the best of all virtues but no reason to be so rigid about it...

Life goes one round to kick me in the ass much harder

2005-09-06T20:06:00.000+08:00

gee you would think that time heals all wounds, yeah for a moment i thought that should do, time away and time to just busy yourself, it worked for a while...
recently was talking to a friend, he has problems getting over someone and me always being the kind person i hate people to describe me as, tried to do my best in consoling him and making him get over it. and i had to use my own personal experience...

yep, little did i know that over the next few days i would be just resurfacing repressed thoughts... well yeah they ahve always been there but just repressed... i thought all along i had already etched it in memory... yep guess i was/am wrong...

yeah i am really damn tired, physically and mentally... guess all along i was just repressing it and talking to my friend only made the whole story resurface...i wonder how long i will need now to just tuck it away at the corner of my mind now...or can i not?

yeah just so tired....

We were meant to be live for so much more, have i lost everything?

2005-09-04T09:59:00.000+08:00

Cold, i sleep to cold

warm,a past long gone

haunted and yet haunting

Cold, an unresolved state

warm,emotions flow

to think is to wound

Cold, if only to have

Warm,a thing never again

waiting like a last petal of rose

MY MM COMM

2005-09-03T00:10:00.000+08:00

well over the weekend i went for the MM discernment... it was at Daniel Tay's place... the first day we had sessions followed by mass at St. Michaels and the next day was discernment lah...
initially i thought a two day thingie was a bit too long..but then in the process i got to know my other comm members well...

so discernment turned out well...and i really love my comm! everyone is enthusiastic...and bubbly and crappy and funny...
and i think its really good that Moli, Michelle tan and lee are really more than willing to play for mass as well...takes the burden of Michelle away...

and i think its a good year for MM lah... on mon we organised a practice for mass...and a record number of people turned up (ok not counting caroling)... and it was a good practice...

Fri: we had mass and Mm was in charge... wah..nerve wreacking man... my comm well are very happening people so its quite hard to get us together for meetings...but i still love them haha! and well being the control freak i am was quite kan choeong..even up till just before mass... but well mass went really well... and i was happy that it went well (duh)... dinner after that was good too! excellent company and i'm glad we also have some year ones who are beginning to warm up to MM... OH WELL

THIS WEEK WAS MY EVIL WEEK

2005-09-02T23:47:00.000+08:00

heh i coined this nick cos well it was a stab at the "even" week system in school... well also cos all my tutorials are this week! yes...i have no odd ones even though i planned to... yeah so i was like so drained by fri with all the lessons... i just couldnt be bothered coming on time... heh..well yeah i was really drained...

oh on tues i went for this mystery shopper survey thingie... i had to visit Macs and KFC and order one of the food items and present my survey to the marketing company... the briefing was super duper long... well for $25 its worth it lah... but only one thing: i quite sick of eating fastfood now which is a first... at least i have completed it...now just a matter of gettting paid heh heh...

oh wed.. was my first guitar lesson... so i took a bus down to Lucky Towers to meet my student... and wah lau they are freaking rich man... top floor penthouse... and everything is big... the furniture is huge... the floor looks like its buffed daily... so slick that i slipped and fall halfway during the lesson argh... well my student is this 12 year old ang moh kid with a short attention span... and well he likes death metal... iron maiden.,.. venom..slayer... wonder how am i going to teach him... but well he needs to start from scratch so well at least i can be paid well for a few months... and hey hes a spongebob fan as well! how cool is that?

WOah

2005-08-23T00:45:00.000+08:00

ok we had AGM today...

and we have TEN people!! wah thats a lot of people in comm... how ah? i was thinking how its so not in proportion...
hmm then looking at the people who are in... its going to be fun man! and imagine if each of us brings two new members ...wow...

thank you LOrd....
now...onward to a new dynamic group!

you like scary movies?

2005-08-21T00:41:00.000+08:00

this week was quite a tiring week for me... on thurs my mom was washing clothes when her back which had been giving problems gave way... apparently it was a muscle tear or something but my mother couldnt move and she called my sister who left work abruptly... she was rushed to TTSH where she was kept for observation for a day...
when i heard the news i rushed down and along the way prayed for God and Mother Mary to be woth my mom...
and well when it turned out the next day that it was nothing serious just a muscle problem i was very relieved... thank you God.... and thank you mother mary for interceding for me...

My wonderful day

2005-08-21T00:33:00.000+08:00

20 August... the last gig for Always Marcia...

met Benny to head down to expo together... the sky looked like it was about to pee a lot but thankfully it didnt lah...
played a set to about 10+ people...
cos expo didnt have any exhibitions so no one was around.. good lah i think it was a fitting ending to somehting that should have ended a long time ago... but it was a good set anyway...like it has always been for the past three years.
still it looked like a scene from the Langoliers...
yeah both relieved and sad... sad cos i feel like by playing the last set i am ready to leave that phase of my life behind...all of it... all the ties and friendships and relationships that have been forged... gosh still looks good... i'm such a fool siah...

R.I.P. Always MARCIA

THE WEEK IN GENERAL

2005-08-14T23:32:00.000+08:00

first week of school blah.... or bleah....

well cant say much since there was a national holiday on the 9th so school didnt really hit...

lots of people in school infesting the canteens, the bookshops... the toilets....

thurs night: MM practice for parts of mass... i think this deserves some mention... it was a really good session...yeah not many people turned up but a small group was enough and i think everyone sang well...cos the parts were not easy to learn and i was surprised that we could do it well... oh the mass parts are..err musical... it was damn shiok to hear the harmonies...

Fri: we decided to sing the parts during mass and well it went really really well..hope that people will be interested to join MM... fri was a very very long day for me... went in the afternoon to Mel's house to collect brownies which her mom made to sell after mass... thank you....
fund raising went well... actually i was hopnig to sell more but well its a great start considering that we had to carry stuff to the LT, setup for mass... sing as a choir for mass and do fund raising... we are a super ministry heh...
and i think its great that the choir had people who can sing very well... with lots of experiences... yay...
dinner after mass which was... the usual... makes me wonder why i even go for dinners with arts...
but the highlight of the day was meeting Rachel at her place... played guitar and sang but err realised that i depend too much on scores... should try to remember some lyrics soon...
but Thanks Rachel... i didnt tell you this but i was feeling kind of down and spending the night talking to you really helped me to get over this brief period... although i think i "overstayed" haha...

why was i down? well... other than the financial problems... i feel like i have just dumped everything and am trying to climb up again... giving up Always Marcia was something i felt i needed to do... but to give up something that you have been working three years for isnt as easy as it looks... already i feel like i have somehow lost a group of friends... who used to hang out together a lot and they are the only close group friends i have left... along with my single good friends... i think its really hard to try and fit in with a group... even in css..i'm not really a group person and i always think that i'm not fitting in... i get that impression lah... its relly hard to find real friends and not superficial ones...
oh well... but i shall overcome this worry... and i think it will be ugly...

THE STORY OF MY LIFE IN MUSIC part 1

2005-08-12T09:31:00.000+08:00

hey! its been a short while so just though i fill you in on details and all...

well school has started and i must say it is really hard to recover from a 3 months break.... cant help but just instead of hitting the books...(yweah i would really love to hit books!) i just want to play music... haha...

music.. where would i be without it? you know... let me tell you how this whole music thing started... it didnt manifest itself frmo recorder lessons or primary school music lessons...in fact i thought i was a off key and horrible singer in primary school..i remember my teacher asking me to sing solo and i screwed up a song really badly... singing off key cos i had no confidence to sing.

all my cousins can sing... i think, and yeah well being in an overwhelming family who picks on shy quiet people you can see why i didnt pick up music at a young age. i didnt sing at all.

you know how i picked it up then? it was really off lah... in secondary school i made the decision to join Boys Brigade...yes... you heard that right.. so we had to declare our ECA you see.. but then i found out that it was on Sats... which clashed with my catechism classes and i didnt want Sundays... so i cancelled the form and was searching for an ECA... then i decided to try out music and why not band? try out only lah cos up till then... all my terms in ECA were short lived...lasting no more than one month! so i approached my classmate who was then already in band... by the way he quit later on haha...

i still remember the first day i stepped into the band room... i immediatly knew i had made the right decision when i saw CLement, a primary school friend and he said "hi!"...ok remember this name ok...significant...

so i was introduced to Gary the recruitment officer..then the band was still military undergoing hte change to concert band so we still had ranks and all... and he made me play the French horn and on that very day i started my first theory lesson under him. i still remember one lesson :

GARY: A B C D E F G ..what comes next?
ME: err... H???

i had two wonderful seniors as well... Eddie and ChiYi.. it helped very much that they were very very passionate about music and were very strict on me... yes i was subjecting to beatings and scoldings unheard of these days but it helped a lot. i had another peer my age... Clarence who joined much earlier then me so i at least had a fellow section member. i think it was during these times where i picked up the skill of being disciplined in learning music... having the patience to just sit for hours on end to struggle to play one note...
in time i improved much... surpassing that of Clarence and till today i still feel bad about my prescence in the section cos my two seniors devoted much attention to me.. not bragging or anything but i was really good and i guess they chose the better player to stick with... in time he would quit the band citing "prefect" commitments but i think it was due to the lack of attention.

Seconday school was the best time of my life... it was just about studying... after school hours band... and i did that for four years! i didnt go out much at all, didnt really listen to radio but those four years gave me an experience that cannot be compared to anything i have done recently.

THE END

2005-08-07T02:03:00.000+08:00

4th August....

was attending my secondary school band concert when a decision was made by me... i decided to tell BEnny the truth about how i felt about Always Marcia... made two phone calls...and yep its official...
we have disbanded... due to our difference in musical directions... we have alwasys thought that this band would be a meeting point for our ideas to blend...but instead its hampering me at least...
but i'm not worried that this will affect our friendship at all.. i believe that will never happen..yes it may be affected but i rather be happy being friends than unhappy as friends...

so the last gig we will play is on the 20th august... singapore expo... at 4pm... hopefully it will be a good one

Eventful? maybe...

2005-08-07T01:09:00.000+08:00

Wisdom HAs been plucked out

hmm i want to be honest with everyone... for the past few months i have been rotting inside... actually hte left corner of my mouth...yes... wisdom tooths... at first i thought i could brush it away and all... but well it got worse and i only made up my mind to visit the dentist when upon gargling it felt pain... yep that bad...

anyway so i went down... and well the receptionist told me that a operation would cost $400... and i was like damn shocked cos ok well i thought that it was very jia lat so most likely need to operate lah. but in the end yep it was a pain less proceedure, at first i thought that the injection would be pain? but nope... it wasnt at all... err yeah i was scared lah though i have been poked many many many time during my medic training stint...

but then i realised that i have another one decaying on my right corner... and an impacted one just below... great....

POTLUCK

yes another great potluck session at Keenans house... i started my next experiment at 1 and finished only at 4+...yes i was baking shepards pie...and i am particularly proud cos its my first time making it... and even my Mother was convinced i couldt do it by myself...but nananana... i did it and people who tried it liked it...or rather show their approval... so yes!!!

okok... but what makes a good potluck??

1) a fantastic host (Kennan)

2) fabulous company ( JOn, Audrey, Alexis, Regina, Greg, Teresa, Gabriel)

3)delicious food (carbonara, pie, soon kueh, durian{yes! durian}, potato stuff hee)

4)a game of twister

5)watching heartwarming videos of friends

6)being able to act like an idiot

yeah it was great... i cant wait for the next one...

SOMe nice songs...

2005-07-31T23:22:00.000+08:00

well over the period that i was busking with julian i learned a lot of songs... which i really love now... heres some of the lyrics i would like to share with you my fellow kaypoh... go listen if you can..really nice...of course i can always sing for you at no charge haha...

IF YOU WERE MY BABY by Rick Price

I could dream my life away

What would I care anyway

It'd be so fine If you were my baby

I'd be walking ten feet tall

With your love, girl

Why should I worry at all

If you were my baby

I'd never be lonely

If you were my only love

If you were my baby

I'd take my last breath

Before I would let you go

And I promise I'd love you forever and ever

If you were my baby

We'd go walking late at night

Count the starts up in the sky Just you and me

If you were my baby

Stop to kiss under a tree

Listen to the sound of the whispering breeze

If you were my baby

I'd never be lonely

If you were my only love

If you were my baby

I'd take my last breath

Before I would let you go

And I promise I'd love you forever and ever

If you were my baby

Oh, how wonderful life would be

If you'd give your love to me

Just to hold you endlessly

Is all I'd ever need

I'd never be lonely

If you were my only love

If you were my baby

I'd take my last breath

Before I would let you go

And I promise I'd love you forever and ever

If you were my baby

Oh, if you were my baby

If you were my baby

I really like this song, its so simple yet a perfect song to sing for a loved one... now... who will be the first haahhaha... Julain told me it was a Bside..but its such a great song...as good as MORE THAN WORDs...

OH MY LOVE by John Lennon

Oh my love for the first time in my life,

My eyes are wide open,

Oh my lover for the first time in my life,

My eyes can see,

I see the wind,

Oh I see the trees,

Everything is clear in my heart,

I see the clouds,

Oh I see the sky,

Everything is clear in our world,

Oh my love for the first time in my life,

My mind is wide open,

oh my lover for the first time in my life,

My mind can feel,

I feel the sorrow,

Oh I feel dreams,

Everything is clear in my heart,

Everything is clear in our world,

I feel the life,

Oh I feel love.

another fantastic song..its melody is super haunting and it sends shivers down my spine... another great serenading song haha...

THis could be the end of everything...so why dont we go..

2005-07-31T22:56:00.000+08:00

hmm sat... the last day that Julian gets to busk cos he starts work on Mon and the place he works at doesnt allow him to "moonlight" kind of dumb... but it was a good ending i feel...cos we made $110 in 3 hours...hahaha the best! thats it then? cos i dont really want to busk alone lah..doesnt get the response that two of us can receive...see how...i do need the money though...
but it was mad on sat... i recall money just being dropped...one after the other...so much that i had to keep some notes away to not make the box look so full

busking was a really fun experience for me... to girl watch... to get thumbs up from strangers...offers... yeah pretty girls with 10 dollar bills...pretty girls who request for a song for their boyfriends... and just chilling... earning money and learning how to entertain just by singing only... and knowing that any song is not cheesy haha... man will miss busking...

and i finally plucked some courage to visit a pub band... Barcelona at Robertson Quay... was a good night spent with former choir members and well... the band was ok... but it gave me confidence that i know i can defiinetly perform at a pub already! hopefully my two other bands work out...

hmm and... the end is coming... to end a phase that has been dragging for so long... my band Always Marcia... but i really not sure how to end it though... its been fun but its time to move on...as i have for other...situations...

EMPTY

2005-07-25T23:37:00.000+08:00

maybe i'm just tired... but i really feel like i've so much more to do, so much more to achieve, in music in religion and socially..and yet i feel that i have not reached anywhere near my potential, dragged down by this horror called studying...
will i manage my time well? time will tell.....

2005-07-25T12:54:00.000+08:00

ever tried taking pictures of the sun?

2005-07-25T12:53:00.000+08:00

nice huh?

You cant have everything...

2005-07-23T01:51:00.000+08:00

MM FOLLOW UP

MM gathering was good... another example of how fantastic company can make a simple function turn out well... learnt how to make grass jelly... ok i made grass jelly... first time making it heh in case you MM people didnt know... that was my first "vial" and attempt.... haha! but i think potluck is quite fun actually..maybe i should organise another one soon..gives me a chance to learn how to bake/cook something...pasta or shephards pie... hmm...
well we spent the night playing err... fun dumb lame games... so all in all it was a good gathering!

BUSKING JUST GETS BETTER

YEP...it just tastes better.... learnt another thing today... busk at lunch time... more people have more loose change to give... usually we busk from 4 to 8+...this time it was 12 to 4... and three people actually put in $10 each! wow... no hot babes this time... but still err.. we earned like $93! thats the highest we have earned so far! too bad i couldnt stay on though.. would have made so much more i think...

anyway met a friend for dinner..puzzled at why i had problems eating baked rice...should eat more pasta to build up energy...

Guitar

ah... well if theres anything i can say about my playing... i can play an acoustic better now...though i rather play with nylon... and that i have learnt more songs to play.... skills wise i dont think i have made that much of an improvement though... i seem to have lost the discipline to practice... maybe cos i'm quite tired after busking... hmm cannot cannot..shall continue... i need more time though... holidays are coming to an end... and at the same time i wanna have fun, catch up with friends and all... that leaves me with no time... man...

HOSTEL

applied for the waiting list... however i also reallised that since my brother is in army... that leaves me only myself to the room...means i can practice in the night... or do stuff... so should i still apply?? decisions...

BROTHER IN ARMY

hmm a lot of people seem to have misread my blog... i wasnt showing concern for my brother...err that didnt sound right... as in i am concern...but what i was writing about is how stupid the whole army idea is... yep...

BUsking....

2005-07-15T23:05:00.000+08:00

i think i have developed a craze for busking... its like some kind of mental masturbation where performing is great...and people like it... i mean funny things happen...

today busking was... hmm not very fruitful..some old man stayed at our regular spot for like the whole day...possibly costing us... wanted to try and hit the hundred dollar target somemore,..grr..but it was eventful...

1. we ended up busking at the underpass at wheelock... good acoustics and cooling... but few people... or rather few people who donated..still it was good... didnt feel tired at all... and after a while it didnt really matter about the money.... the girls walking by were good enough heh...

2. this tanned hot babe wearing purple... one of the first to donate... at first... was like "ok hot babe..." then didnt really look at how much she gave..then julian was like "10 bucks!!"... woah i was like damn this girl must either be rich or she accidentally gave $10 instead of $2... hmm just give us your number lah...

3. this old ang moh couple came by... donated and wanted us to play a tune... just nice we decided to play 'she loves you'... beatles oldie... and haha she laughed in amusement cos i think we triggered some notalgia button there... anyway they enjoyed it... and she was like "i was performing with guitar just before the song became a hit"..thanks for revealing your age back there haha... but fun lah... hey to impress an ang moh couple.... good lah

4. oh this didnt happen today... but on wed we got approached by this Malay lady... who wants us to sing at her wedding! thats super cool i think... i always wanted to attend a malay wedding... complete with community style setting and costumes and like all the cultural stuff... wonder how much i should be charging though...

aint busking fun?

2005-07-14T00:07:00.000+08:00

the gang... so glad thye could make it

July Babies

2005-07-13T23:48:00.000+08:00

ah... my birthday has finally arrived... it was held at cafe cartel serangoon gardens and lots of people turned up! many thanks to Ivan and Ira who planned everything..so sorry...i just not the kind who celebrates my birthday..and yeah it was fun and good company... good time to catch up with the band gang and CSS people... and get presents!!! muahaha! nice guitar bag you got for me! love it man...
you know a few weeks back...during FOC camp we had a session on CSS... ad well i wasnt selling CSS to the year ones...but i was very inspired to lead and share my personal thoughts...
you know CSS may not be the most happening society or club in school... but everyone is genuine...you know that at the end of the day the person being there for you... smiling with you or asking how are you is real... genuine...and thats what being a catholic is all about... i can trust my friends to be there for me..whtheror not i disappear for a while... i can say that my relationship with the CSS people has been a big improvement... and i love you all...

its another sad day in the LOw family

2005-07-10T03:00:00.000+08:00

Fri... the day my Brother gets enlisted in the army... i'm not worried whether he can take the training or not... just worried that he might break his arm again which he could have declared with proper documents and gotten a better life... hope he doesnt speak back though... nothing comes out of it... just tahan and go through it...

dumb lives we lead right... till today i think army is a waste of youth and time... no doubt it has worked for some...but honestly... doesn army really make you more mature? i dont think it is for me... only made me more unwilling to be initiative... two years... i could be a good guitarist now if not for army...

and maturity and discipline? there are so many other non nsmen who didnt go through army yet they are more mature than the officers...

yep...

but then again... for singapore it all boils down to security... though i hated army... i totally understand why there is a need for NS... and well yeah i would lay down my life to protect my family and friends...

however... i wish that life was different though...i wonder how it would be for me if i didnt need to serve NS and the local music scene in singapore was thriving? hmm
thats why if i really cant take it... i will migrate... and never put my son through NS...

TAlktime

2005-07-10T02:41:00.000+08:00

had another good talk with Cassandra again, this time we didnt talk till 7 am haha but nevertheless its good to be talking with someone who you feel comfortable with, where silence isnt awkwardness... and everything is funny even if it isnt...
well we touched on interesting subjects... of course the most interesting one.. about relationships...(isnt it? heh)
like how difficult or easy it is to maintain a good platonic relationship between and a guy and a girl.. i think speaking as a guy thats hard to do... cos i think once we males are attracted yeah its too late haha....
hmm i feel for ladies its "easier" cos well dont want to sound cliche but theres the sensitivity factor and how ladies look for character and yeah blah blah blah... thats true right? i mean look at the guys in singapore with attractive girlfriends and you will know what i mean! (okok kidding..)

MOney... thats what i want...

2005-07-10T02:12:00.000+08:00

i love it man... busking is so totally rad...
well it isnt really fun to repeat songs lah haha... but so far Julian and i have built up a good list... and haha some are cheesy stuff... ok not so lah...

but seriously... i think this is really what i want to do... i mean these days i've been aimless man...totally aimless:

1) have no clue what to do with my school life...and eventually my future
2)no clue of what recreational activities to do besides exercising and playing guitar
3)dont want to work this hols...
4)looking at couples makes me aimless haha... but then again i'm even more aimless cos i dont want to be in a relationship right now..double aimless
5) i'm totally clueless about my band now...

yeah but busking so far has provided some form of direction at least... hey i think its good money... you know what i think its possible to earn $100 a day... just in five, six hours? thats good money dont you think? and its not even proper work lah... totally enjoy the four hours each time...theres no pressure to perform well too..can take a break as and when you like and the money still comes in... no need to perform well cos no one going to stop and listen anyway...
okok although my friends do pop by and really happy that they do come down to support my cousin and me!

yeah and at least it pays man! its definitely ten times better than some of the gigs that my band has been involved in... i mean we dont even get paid... worse...some we had to pay...

well... every other gig is non paying anyway, cos every jamming session i end up paying $7.50... plus lunch or dinner for the gig (they dont even provide refreshments)... sometimes take a cab if in a rush..yeah so we end up "paying"...

and since i started busking...other than meals i think i spent like less than $20 lah... and i feel totally comfortable singing songs...not having to worry if i sing it badly... unlike some ahem.. DEEP PURPLE song...

the last busking session was good...we actually had one or two people coming up to us... with their thumbs up! and its not like they are being polite about it too...

I LOVE BUSKING

Busking day 2

2005-06-25T13:58:00.000+08:00

ah another fun filled day of busking... this time more songs... so it was a good thing to be not repeating songs over and over again... haha
though our anthem.. "money" was one that we kept singing to drive home our point...
Julian is going overseas next week so hmm wondering if i should try doing it on my own? not sure if i can learn enough songs though...
and we made more money!! well thought there would be more lah cos it was a Friday night... but we only made a bit more...somemore more friends came so i dont think the public really donated much...oh well...

DEAD AND SO NOT LOVING IT

these days... i'm quite disappointed with my daily holiday activities lah... i dont think i'm really doing as much as i should.. and i guess feeling quite empty and all...
"why dont you go out then?" you might ask?
well to be honest... i'm quite selective about the friends i want to go out with lah and... well i love the company of the CSS or snuccs people but dont seem to be much of it... and well "how about your band people?" yuo might ask?
hmm i think things are drifting... we dont seem to want to go out anymore and well i think we all have developed other lives outside this circle... hmm even gettting for a jam together is something i am quite reluctant to do... so is it the end then? possibly...
so yeah i guess now with these recent developments i really dont have much friends then... plus it doesnt help much either that out of the seven of us... girlfriends included... four can be invited for something with three of us cant be included...understandable but still fucked up i feel haha...
oh well such is life...
i guess thats why for the past two times.. busking has been something to really just enjoy life... singing and all... to just for that few hours forget about life...
yep cant wait for the next session then...

TALK TIME

2005-06-24T03:16:00.000+08:00

FOC camp has certainly been fun... but i guess cos i was a facilitator i didnt really have time to really sit down and talk to people... which i thought was what i missed out on...so yeah... i had a good talk over the phone with a friend recently and it felt really good cos... personally i feel like i can connect with her..as in i'm comforatble with her lah... but yet at teh same time cos i just knew her i dont really know her well...so it was a good time talking and just getting to know her better... after all we talked till almost 7 in the morning! haha had to put down cos my throat really hurt must ahve been the singing earlier on haha!
well hope that theres another opportunity for me to talk to her again lah...

and well also hope to catch up on others as well... there are a few people i do want to catch up in this manner too... hmm... oh well... any takers?

BUsking....at last!

2005-06-24T03:02:00.000+08:00

well Tues....the day Julian and i finally got down to busking!! haha its quite an expeiernce man...
we met up early afternoon to run through the songs... then met at orchard mrt... actually we wanted to try our luck at the wheelock underpass...but an uncle we met at the auditions went there first so we just let him have it lah...but well knowing him well paid off you see..he recommended that we try the underpass linking lucky plaza and Taka... and well yeah it was a good location! the acoustics were good since we didnt have any amplifiers... and cos it had just been upgraded...it looked clean haha...

so we sang from like 4+ to almost 8.... hmm ok julian did most of the singing lah... i mean we had our own songs to do.... but i felt that my songs were either too soft type or just plain boring... hmm julian has more experience lah so he had the more appropratie songs... hmm also some CSS people happened to pass by and yeah got lots of support! heh...
all in all $40+ in just four hours! not bad for a tues night too.. trying again this Fri... hope it will be better ARR!! also gonig to prepare more songs lah... must prove to myself that i am ready to play for the pubs...

oh today was my FOC grps first outing! hmm there was only six of us who went for the Vatican exhibit lah...cos the rest were only free in the evening... not too bad the exhibit... though wish it were bigger and more "relicky" though...
after that... dinner at Victor's in Marina square haha the one which we got the vouchers from in FOC? not too bad the food and the place... i recommend it heh...
well company was good..but you know with a big grp...theres only so much you can go... so we walked here and there... tried out the toilet at fullerton hotel... yes...you read it right...
the one thing i dont really like about group outing is that well after a while theres only so much a group can try to be good company lah... guess it would have been a better situation if it were at teh beach instead of town...oh well...but overall not bad lah!

oh yeah also confirmed some minor detail too.. aiyah damn blogspot..cannot privatise... but well just another silly assumption again haha!

Third Day continued

2005-06-20T01:41:00.000+08:00

you know what i like about the recon? heh it was the waiting for it to end... well cos in the hall everyone is there..but stil have people making their confessions... and well its realyl quiet and people are just reflecting..and i love times like these cos i get to really think through all my thoughts...to recollect myself to continue on the day...

well the day ended on a good note lah... we stayed back to plan the skit... hmm ok lah not as crappy as last year but still can...

since it was the last night.. i decided to stay up all night..which i kind of regretted heh... but spent it writing warm fuzzies in ivans room where a few of us were there to talk... in the end it ended up just with Teresa Tan.. not Thia heh.. Audrey , Gab and me... we were talking about P and W and all...
the topic really got me thinking: living stones did P and W....
i met clement and we talked about P and W...
now i'm talking to the three about P and W...
hmm is it a sign?
but i have my doubts... i mean eventually i will go back to IHM and continue work there lah...
but do i really want to build P and W in CSS? its a lot of work i think... and i'm afraid its really gonig to affect my studies... but yet i feel like i have to do something about it! hmm questions...

so anyway not sleeping for one night was bad...

FOuth day

man... i was really trying hard ot concentrate during mass... i mean i could stay awake but felt like crap...
but it was good... the skits were... err not too bad...
ok back to the regular story...
well i missed phototaking man... cos had to return the equipment by four and all... missed mass dance...man... but the video flashback was really good... i love watching flashbacks...
so off i went to return the equipment...
i started at 330... and only got home at 715...yeah... i have been moving for 4 hrs... on a whole day of no sleep... bad right...
i remember that i was so tired i kept falling asleep on IGgy's shoulder...like some baby like that..

oh well thats it! four days of fun and excitement... hopefully i can "kope" some pictures and put them up soon...

Third day

2005-06-18T12:53:00.000+08:00

woah...this day was really tiring plus super fun lah... there was the games at west coast which ended with this massive water bomb war.. two teams which comprised of three grps each fought against each other...hmm was rough man..lots of pushing around...we were supposed to protect the two "brothers" keenan and ivan..haha was really fun lah.. getting wet and running around and all...
rushed back afterwards to help out for legion session... doing the skit and playing the song was really fun... pure genuine fun really..it wasnt great or anythnig but it still was one of my better sessions...
and the session was a realyl good one too... before teh skit we had this reflection thingie.. and woah..the freshman really opened up man...so much so that Jacob had to step in to say that everything must be kept in the group...
after the legion session... was the recon one... hmm well htere was some miscommunication there...cos we thought that there would be half an hour more for the legion session..but it turned out that living stones was suppoed to do P and W earlier! so the recon dragged... and living stones had to shorten the session... well but in the end everything turned out fine...though i felt that the P and W wasnt as good as last years... oh well...
but that didnt stop me from tearing...and almost crying when they sang "here i am to worship"..err probably cos that was the only worhsip song i knew besides you are holy... but i seem to choke and tear easily at such songs during worship..yeah so i almost broke down lah...
well i have a confession to make though...i didnt go for the Recon...cos i felt i wasnt ready yet..well not a very good thing to do but i need more time really... i met Clement in the toilet..and we had a really good chat about how to do P and W proper...hmm seems that Zions Joy..which is IHm's youth charismatic youth ministry prefer a stripped down "less is more" approach...whereas i prefer the "lets use everything" approach... good talk lah though it was short..maybe i should meet up with him soon...
okok have to stop now... theres lots more to write for this day... shall continue soon... but i shall leave you with two songs..the first is "walk with you"..the song we sang for Legion... its the theme song for Touched by an angel... which wrapped up our "touched by a legionaire" skit...
and the song which made me tear.."hear i am to worship"....

Walk with you

When you walk down the road

Heavy burden, heavy load

I will rise and I will walk with you

When you walk through the night

And you feel like you wanna just give up, give up, give up on the fight

I will come and I will walk with you

Walk with you

Until the sun don't even shine

Walk with you

I'll be there all the time

I tell you I'll walk with you

See you through

When you walk from this place

And you gotta go to meet Him face to face

Take my hand and I will walk with you

Oh, oh walk with you

Till the clouds fade away

I tell you I 'll walk with you

Each and every day

Oh yes I'll walk with you

Oh, oh oh when nobody cares

I'll be right there by your side

If all your hope is lost

I'm the one that's gonna help you see the light

Just look into my eyes

Please know you're not alone I'm here, I'm here by your side

Walk with you

I'll be there all the time,

I'm gonna walk with you

Walk with you

I'll be there until the clouds just fade away

Walk with you

I'll be there every day, every day, every day, every day

Walk with you

I'll be with you all the while

Walk with you

Be right there through the longest mile

Walk with you I will walk with

you yes I will, yes I will, yes I will, I will Walk with you

I will walk with you I tell you

I'll be there and I will Walk with you

Believe me I'll be there and I'll walk with you, yes I will

Here i am to worship

Light of the world, You step down into darkness.

Opened my eyes let me see.

Beauty that made this heart adore you

hope of a life spent with you.

[Chorus]And here i am to worship,

here i am to bow down,

here i am to say that you're my God,

you're altogether lovly,altogether worthy,

altogether wonderful to me.

King of all days,

oh so highly exalted

Glorius in heaven above.

Humbly you came to the earth you created.

All for love's sale became poor.

[chorus]here i am to worship, here i am to bow down,

here i am to say that you're my God,

you're altogether lovly,altogether worthy,

altogether wonderful to me.

I'll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross.

I'll never know how much it cost to see mt sin upon that cross.

And i'll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross.

No i'll never know how much it cost to se my sin upon that cross.

[call] call upon the name of the Lord and be saved.....

call upon the name of the Lord and be saved.....

[chorus]Here i am to worship,

Here i am to bow down,

Here i am to say that you're my God,

You're altogether lovly,Altogether worthy,

Altogether wonderful to me.

So Here i am to worship,

Here i am to bow down,

Here i am to say that you're my God,

Second day

2005-06-18T12:30:00.000+08:00

hmm well today was the MM concert so i didnt really participate in the FOC stuff..which was a shame cos i missed the faculty lunch so i dont really know which freshman is in arts... and i missed the campus games..thought it would have been really fun though...
moving all the equipment to LT 15 was a bitch man... four guys including me moved the mixer from Eusoff Hall to the theater moving it by hand..cos we didnt have any transport... and cos we cant tilt it in anyway...and we cannot move it no eht road... imagine lah haha
as i predicted... the rehearsals were a dramatic improvement from the hall in ihm cos of the acoustics... i think it was really good that everyone could sing well...i guess all the hard work paid off lah! was fun though... the band did a blues jam which was good haha
ok concert time... on the whole i felt the concert was really good..it turned out fine though the music was a bit too loud which drowned out the voices opps... the individual songs were better though.. hope everyone who watched it was cool with it...
hmm i guess 6 months of torture is finally over... the concert in the end turned out really well and i didnt feel jubilant or anything...just numb i guess...
oh yeah dont get me wrong lah... yes i really wasnt for the idea of such a huge concert cos i still dnot think we were ready for it yet in any way... but you know looking at the bonds that have formed...how the ministry has really touched individual members..pulled them back to the faith and have made them love singing... hmm i guess it was then that i started to be ni a dilemma... to continue on in MM or not?

day one

2005-06-18T12:16:00.000+08:00

i felt really excited haha cos i was a bit worried that i might not be able to do a good job of welcoming the freshman... hmm at first there were only guys coming in so i was like "oh oh"... but then we all found out that there were so many girls err ok freshmasn that there were not enough rooms for them! about 40 in all... really good number lah...
it was in the morning that i decided to call Ihm one more time.. if not then we would have to borrow the system form Holy Cross which might not be able to support the nine mikes we were going ot use for the MM concert.
so after moving everything we came back and well the day carried on... got to know my grp and the facils... taught the theme song..i hope everyone was ok with the song hmm
oops..cant rememeber the day..hmm but i thought night games were really fun..i think my group opened up a bit to our err crappy and lamo ways and well the engine guys lah... i thought the arts girls were naturally crappy enough..i meant the freshman ah...
sharing sessions were a bit slow though..as in everyone took some time to start opening up..i guess the freshman were not used to the idea of sharing yet so they only talked about on the surface stuff lah...

F.O.C.

2005-06-18T11:59:00.000+08:00

so short.... no not me... but the length of the camp...i wish it were longer man..cos i think it was a really good camp...not only fun..but spiritual as well...

DAy Zero

well this day was a little tiring... i met Paul and Dwi and Iggy and I van at IHM..to my disappointment... Uncle RObert the secretary didnt allow us to borrow the sound system for the camp... i was really cheesed off as i really wanted to use the system to really help out at the camp.... cant have a puny amp try to use right? so we had to wait for Father Joe to come back..and it looked like he wasnt going to be back anytime soon...
so off we went to Holy Cross...who time and time again was really kind to lend us their amps...
then to school... well day zero was a bit stressful for me cos i really was very irritated about not being able to get the system and all..
heh i missed Mels facil session cos after dinner Ivan and Keenan wanted to do some last minute filming at Matthew's house so i thought why not pop over at ihm on the way to see if Father was ther...but he wasnt.. so was really angry lah...
but i can understand why they are reluctant to lend us though... all in all the system cost about 10k ++?
filming at matthews house was fun..heh..i wasnt involved but there was bloopers..like Matthew saying "cardinal Cunt" instead of HUn... or making the conference call video...

Jay....ja ja jaded

2005-06-11T23:22:00.000+08:00

yep i dont even know why i'm writing this...
ergh at this point in time i feel sian... its a sat and i missed fri night as well cos never made plans lah... anyway not many friends i have to make plans with so what the heck

but man reached the point where practicing guitar gets sian...
playing computer games also gets draggy...
oh well hope the FOC camp takes all that away

The week so far...

2005-06-06T23:24:00.000+08:00

yeah its been a while since i updated... but can you blame me? i feel like i've not really done much at all so yeah...

MM retreat: hmm it was ok... i felt that the company was good and well who can say that a retreat was bad yeah? i felt that Father Anselm who gave a talk on the third day... was dead on about the issues that a proper Music ministry should address... something which we lack sorely in... issues like proper ministering.. etc...
maybe i'm self centred in this sense? i mean... i find that MM isnt really doing enough..in terms of practicing for concert and the focus... i mean..if what we have done so far is enough to touch our own members then wouldnt that be good? to many it is... but to me.. i find that while it is good to feel for it and direct it towards God... we need to put in everything... and let God top it up... i get quite irritated when people only do so much..and expect that "God will provide".. i think thats a wrong stance to take...thats like taking God for granted...

Tridumm... it was good i guess... practice was differnet...its an experience lah... but i feel really lousy now... just before the P and W... i left Ajie's acoustic guitar on the stand.. i turned around and next thing i know... Bam! someone knocked it over!!! argh... thought nothing of it... but next thing i know Ajie mentions that theres been a crack at the neck! argh...so i fessed up to him... told him... i feel bad... should i offer to pay for the repairs? though i think it cant even be repaired...

hmm today was the second last practice... i cant say it was bad though... there has been improvement... but have to see on that day lah..tjhe hall that we are using for practice has such bad acoustics... but.its very messy.. the singers still cant coordinate with the harmonies..and i suspect our music throws them off cos of the bad acoustics... oh well... and the band is...ok... people cant make it still even at this point for practice...some even can only turn up at teh concert itself.... but how to chop? must be nice about it... hiyah

Honestly...

2005-05-31T01:36:00.000+08:00

just came back from one of the most draining MM practices...
i have to be honest...its my blog and yeah theres no diplomacy here...
at this point in time... i feel that my holidays so far has been a total waste... running up and down..spending weekday nights especially Fri nights to practice for one hour concert...
is it worth it? no i dont think it ever will be...
true i made some good friends..and what really keeps me going is that there are really earnest people that i dont want to be a wet blanket to... it wont be fair right?
yeah right... then how about me? in the end i have to clean up shit for everyone... make sure that the vocals are correct...coming early to open the place... only to have everyone come late...
its not worth it man...
especially after today...
and i have some MM retreat to attend tmr... force myself..use cognitive dissonance to believe that it will be of any use...
i like camps.. but i'm really dreading this one... yes thats the truth...

i'm really losing my enthusiasm for this ministry... no long term planning nothing....
i wasted my holidays... all my plans gone down the drain..and i am really not happy at all...

save me somebody... someone who is not from MM.. please take me out... holidays has been everything but fun and relaxing...

Random updates

2005-05-28T22:03:00.000+08:00

i love the Moulin Rogue (?) soundtrack..almost every song... i think its one of my must listen to cds to have... every track is great... and the movie is great...heh... if only i can buy the dvd...

oh just got a job offer from my cousin, Stephanie... for some shopping centre kids show thingie...i'm supposed to be this "masked rider" character...just pose for pictures and all...easy money too... going to work for two sundays in june...heh should be fun... that is if i'm accepted... i think such characters need to be tall right? hmm maybe wont get it then...

this week was a good week... firstly went to Julia's place for some post birthday thing and yeah company was really good... had a good talk with gabriel and others... took the time off from my busy schedule...

then there was dinner after MM prac on Fri at grapevine... company was good... really good and yeah enjoyed myself... its good to have great company... can talk well means no need to listen to music or to find things to do...thats fine by me...

you know i actually enjoyed MM practice on Fri... theres nothng better than playing with people who are so into music...and theres a rush to just jam...love it...and i cant wait for more good things to come...

I hate hypocrites

2005-05-28T21:48:00.000+08:00

yep hate people who act like somebody and do something else....
was thinking of whether i should write this but then again this is my blog so shall just go ahead

i think theres nothing worse than being in a Catholic students society... and being racist! thats the lowest of the low man... so you are jealous that you didnt get the girl you like but you dont describe her boyfriend as "that indian boyfriend" you fucker... and thats my friend you are talking about you fucking loser....
i really have a very bad opinion of you now...so yeah you should stop pretending you are holy yeah?

2005-05-24T11:46:00.000+08:00

dont you find that people would want to eat gummies in the form of babies??? whats with the "natural" thing man? natural baby essence?

2005-05-24T11:45:00.000+08:00

was waiting for the bus... sun was shining...and i managed to catch this streak... very nice...

2005-05-24T11:44:00.000+08:00

I love the look of this church...very "gothic" like

2005-05-24T11:43:00.000+08:00

Cathedal? no... its St. Teresa... beautiful...

2005-05-24T11:42:00.000+08:00

the retreat house at st. teresa... looks like transformers right?

2005-05-24T11:41:00.000+08:00

Yam ice cream...damn great therapy... my favourite flavour

YOUR WELCOME>>>>

2005-05-21T17:37:00.000+08:00

I've kept you in a box
A box that i've kept for so long
Till only when you sang your song
The box i kept you in for so long

an image a well wish and a memory
threaten to break me down
particularly of what i saw
notes of when i came from afar

Raw of you i've come to know
revealed to me you willingly show
A flawless jewel none to all
taken granted, i've come to pine

Dawning thoughts plague my field
Sanity beckons, yet i do not yield
A thousand deaths i sink to feel
yet none of which that brings life

remaining still but not enough,
it weighs the scales of bliss and naught
TWO hands to clap
will thy other hand will it?

ARTS RETREAT!!!

2005-05-20T01:28:00.000+08:00

oh spent tues and wed morning at the arts retreat..didnt go on mon cos of MM practice and oh man i wish i skipped practice lah....
COS it was fun! the retreat was good... at first i thought maybe small number not fun but in the end the company was simply the best! heh it was a simple retreat but it was a good opportunity for me to just wind down and get away from the current stressful life... though its not part of my plans... but yeah it was good erm... therapy for me...
playing for the P and W on tues night was fulfiling...for once in a long while since CAW rally..it felt good praising God through song...and well it is how i wish to serve HIM and yeah it felt good... it was a simple session..just me on guitar... and Mel leading..but very powerful experience... that is what i want to do... to serve God that way...
i think it helps in such a retreat if everyone knows each other well... personally i'm not a big fan of retreats... i think retreats are for feel-good people... who are able to take in simple messages and be contented with it..for me..i need more than that...but this retreat is starting to make me change my mind!
heh i think i acted really stupid at the retreat as well... i guess must really be stressed... at one point i was crawling with my mattress on the floor..much to the amusement of the others...
but was fun tricking Julia also that i filled a bottle with toilet water so that she can drink it...

oh and yes i sang some of my new acoustic songs that i learned so far...and its a hit with the girls ahhahaha! just trying out only....

Retreating to madness

2005-05-19T23:10:00.000+08:00

i swear man... anymore and i am going mad...

this week..is my "holy week"... i feel very urgh this week cos before the exams were over i so much wanted to finally have time for myself and youknow...do my own things...
well honestly it started out fine initially... started jogging and all... practiced guitar... learnt to cook some dishes...
but then slowly, "little by little everyday" i'm seeing myself doing less of it... and i see my self getting more and more stressed... ARGH! anymore and i think i will break down soon man...

personally, i dont see a need for our MM retreat to be three days lah... i mean we dont have permanent members and theres not much to "retreat" about... had a meeting today and i am damn frustrated over the focus of the whole event... from the concert to the retreat...
i spent the whole day with MM people today... most probably tmr as well... is this how i want my holidays to be spent? i mean... i'm fine with giving time up for practice but wah... how come i feel so "schoolish" then? man i cant be spending my holidays like this... i refuse to be submissive and just wait for this ordeal to pass...
now i'm seriously considering not joining MM next sem...

Re: 16th May....

2005-05-19T01:10:00.000+08:00

And so it is

Just like you said it would be

Life goes easy on me

Most of the time

And so it is

The shorter story

No love, no glory

No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes...

And so it is

Just like you said it should be

We'll both forget the breeze

Most of the time

And so it is

The colder water

The blower's daughter

The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?

Did I say that I want to

Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind off of you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind...

My mind...my mind..

Til I find somebody new

your welcome : ...

Just a word before i leave...

2005-05-17T08:11:00.000+08:00

hmm was supposed to be at the retreat last night but well MM practice ended late and i was really tired to be going down all the way to harbourfront...
practice was ok lah...think it was a good thing to let them try and sing with the mikes... but was a little pissed at the fact that they neer bother to learn the song properly...waste time only...
but then again i have to remember that some of them are not "professional"..haha sometimes i put my standards too high lah...must compromise now and then...
well i think i really need this break till Wed when the retreat ends... i've been really feeling very uptight about everything and stressed... so much so that i cant sleep properly...i try.. but it takes me an hour min...to start feeling sleepy...
makes me jealous of my brother haha just five mins and he's gone.. poof! asleep...
yeah ok i have to admit my biological clock is screwed up as well.. cos been talking on msn.. well how not to when theres friends i want to keep up with?

has it been like a week?

2005-05-16T00:21:00.000+08:00

WOAH!
slow down there man..yes you!
so many things are going on right now...doesnt feel like a wek has passed..more like three weeks haha...bad and good though...
one of the highlights was starting to record again...haha well the last few attempts were bad...and cos our music sense keeps maturing so yeah always never satisfied...but last wed..we started proper... at Nicholas' school la selle... hmm very impressed with the "studio"..makes me want to be a student there... this time we have all the time we need so good that we are able to finally get things moving... till the recording...to be honest.. i wasnt very enthusiastic about this band..cos i feel that the only way we are going to break out of being stagnant is to just get a good demo done..and i refuse to get any gigs for now... it will be useless... but since then starting to feel enthusiastic again! yay! well still dwelling on our bands direction though... a bit of confusion here and there...guess we have to all slowly work it out... together just like old times...
hmm one thing that is really getting me all excited is about forming a band with Sara playing all the pop/ pop rock/tops 40s stuff!! i really really want to do that man and it turns out she wants to as well! so cant wait to get down to planing and all so that for once i feel estatic singing haha... err ok lah i also get the same rush jamming with nicholas and benny....
whats my long term plan now you might ask? apart from becoming a world famous musician, i plan to set up a band as described above... play in a pub, and get popular just like the BEATLES at the tavern, and beat the crap out of wah lau wah lau... earn money just by playing guitar and singing.. how cool is that?
oh yeah i could be having another pub thing too.... have this friend, Teresa who knows the owner of Pasta Fresca!!! oh my goodness... yumm... yeah he asked her and this other lady to sing as entertainment...and i was like "please i also want in on this"..so see how that turns out lah...
am going for the arts retreat tomorrow... hope i can use the time to wind down abit.. yeah yeah i know its not what i planned...been putting off my jogging but well... see how lah...

"am i happy or in misery? whatever it is that girl put a spell on me!"

The round up so far...

2005-05-12T01:04:00.000+08:00

alright! easiest $20 dollars i made so far... went to school this morning for some research participant thing... me and this other guy were supposed to do some map drawing thing.. i ended up drawing and he would describe to me how to draw it..we cannot see each other..so mostly verbal...
yeah he dont know hot to say properly... cos my version of the map is "old" so he supposed to let me know how to redraw it..he missed out on a few things...luckily i went over with him man..anyway we were sucessful and so they paid us $20 and a small kit kat bar... which was amusing... like as if we are small kids... and i found it typical behaviour of Singaporeans.. dont think this would happen overseas...hmm what you think?
so went to library again... borrowed some stuff.. made my way back..
oh man i love roti john... ate it for lunch and was totally happy about eating it man.. haah
practiced guitar today... was ok..slowly progressing.. but i really really wnat to be much better..i just dont see it happening...
its like my running today...i dont see my physique improving..
it doesnt help that i've been down with the flu... still i mamgaed to run a bit...
well i still have another 20+ plus days to check up again on my progress so well hope so hope so..
today i learnt triad inversions... something interesting...

Its happening again man....

2005-05-10T00:43:00.000+08:00

what a day... i woke at 9 this morning... took mrt to jurong.. ok lah went to library... borrowed good guitar stuff... and foxtrot...
went to teresa's place to get her drumset...she was moving house... so worked up a bit...
THank you Maurice...i know you dont have this blog address but i just want ot let everyone know that you've been great help.. offering to drive and transport the drums... we went from jurong to Nus..then to Sengkang and finally to IHM... well it was smooth so far...
went home to cook instant noodles for lunch...sado... was really tired..i slept on my bed after lunch and woke up realising i fell asleep... ugh hate that feeling
went for practice at IHM...thank you Uncle Stephen... you've been great help... helping me with the wonderful sound system...
feels great to be in the hall again...brings back good memories of the times with the Via Christus choir... hmm... yeah nostalgic again...
but i feel drained man... i'm still sick... and probalby cos not enough rest... and i have not been runnning...this is bad... i really need time... have not been practicing my guitar also...
ARGH! i hate this man...
isnt it weird that so far i've been complaining about foc concert? well cos i really hate doing it... its all the worst case scenarios that can happen happening... blah...
just need my own time

FLU OFF!

2005-05-07T23:18:00.000+08:00

if i have to sing another line of "i need you" i'll kill myself... yeah had practice today... ok lah at least i managed to achieve my objective: which is to at least be able to complete the songs with people knowing what to play... cos i know people dont learn...
oh well i think singing four hours straight gave me the flu...
and it doesnt really help that i've been staying up... especially fri haha was challenging a friend see who could stay up later... i lost anyway... but i was sick
yeah feeling lousy cos i'm sick... but i still need to go around doing stuff...
argh i cant seem to get amps for practice this mon...hmm part of me tells me to heck care... i'm through with begging people man...
well hopefully next week picks up cos i want to see the change man
pretty boring huh..i bet you somehow fell asleep reading my blogs... yep i think i'm boring..mothing much happens...except the occasional regrettable mistake i usually do